arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Houston, we have a squirter
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
