dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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