Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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