So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
