hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
