I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
