It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
