he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize