oh god the rape fog is back!
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize