You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
