He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
