His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
