She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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