her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
