WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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