Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
