i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
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