i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
