We're facebook friends in real life
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
