I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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