You're so nebulous sometimes
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
