i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
