5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
