she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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