Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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