i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
