Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
