I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
