Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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