she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
