I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
