I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
