I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
