i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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