you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
