Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
