I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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