I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize