I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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