A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
