Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
