Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
