i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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