i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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