Your tits are I can't wait for
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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