Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
