just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
