I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
