oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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