I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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