I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
