i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
