I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
