Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize