yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
you had me at cake vodka
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize