You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
