Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
