Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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