you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
