Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
