Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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