i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
