i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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