That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
