If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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