Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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